We are almost 5 days into the 6th month of the year already!? Is it just me or is this the fastest year yet? Time is going way too fast for my liking but maybe that’s a sign that i’m getting old. Sometimes it makes me sad that I have accomplished so little in my life. When I look at the people around me and see where they are in their lives it makes me think that I was definitely just wasting my time for so long. I guess when I think about it though, I did waste a lot of my youth.
So after school I started a university course. I hated it. I hated the atmosphere. The class was too big to talk to the same people every day so I didn’t really make any real friends. The course that I chose just wasn’t for me so I was miserable. I decided to drop out of the course after first year and take some time to think about doing something else. I took a year, and another year and another year, etc. etc. until i didn’t think I would ever go back to studying full time.
Obviously when I was trying to find my next calling in life I had to be working. So I went full time in a shitty job that I also hated, but I knew the routine, I knew the people and I was comfortable there. It wasn’t hard work by any standards but it was a bit of money at the end of every week. Not much, but enough to survive,
At this time I also stopped talking to my friends, I had it in my head that I would be holding them back somehow. They didn’t drop out of college, they had their new friends… why would they want to hang around with a boring college drop out who has a shitty job and a very boring life. Eventually they stopped asking me to go out with them, and who can blame them? People can only take so much rejection! I was a hermit, I had retreated into my shell and was constantly putting myself down and just generally unhappy with life.
One of the girls that I was in school with, K, had moved away for college so the only time I ever really went out was when she was home, we kept in contact and for that I am so grateful! After I went to visit her one summer things changed when I got back. I think I snapped! I started to talk to some old friends, I started to go out a lot more and I was a different person if I’m honest. (although my bank account suffered a lot!!)
Not long after this a friend, C, that has literally known me for my whole life introduced me to the idea of positive thinking and the power of the universe. Although at this stage I had adopted a care free attitude, was so much happier and was in a much better place (mentally and emotionally) I really think this helped me to be a happier and better person.
Looking at my life now, and comparing it to a mere two years ago the difference is unreal. I went back to studying. I’m doing a course that I love, (I even have friends in this one 😛 ) I have friends that I can confide in and that confide in me.
I’ll admit that sometimes I will go back into my shell a little bit but I always climb out ASAP! (It’s a very cramped shell…. not very comfortable at all! And I got used to stretching out so I cant handle that discomfort for very long at all)
I may not be perfect, but I’m happy!
At the end of the day isn’t that all that matters?!
Xx
EllieMay
At Least You're trying 